Singles in the News: 11/1/09-11/7/09

Every week, incidental themes seem to emerge in "Singles in the News." This week, a number of stories clustered around the social groups that singles have formed, either for dating, friendship, or just fun in a group setting. A subtopic of that theme is the heightened role of technology in fostering connections and communication between singles. Finally, quite a few studies involving singles cropped up this week. As usual, Singletude analyzes not only the data itself but how it's presented.



11/1/09

"In Tuscon, No Room at the Inn for Homeless Single Dads"
By Robert Franklin, Esq.
MND
Summary: If you think the deck is stacked against single dads, try being a homeless single dad. Especially in the Tuscon, AZ area, where only one shelter accepts single dads, although plenty will take single moms. This article sheds light on an injustice that has at least one single father and his baby daughter out on the street.

"Lots of Frogs"
By Miranda Daniloff
The Boston Globe
Summary: A fluffy article pretends it has some weight, but really it's about nothing more than the old adage that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to catch a prince. Ho-hum. Next.


11/2/09

"Cellphones, Texts and Lovers"
By David Brooks
The New York Times
Summary: The op-ed columnist discusses how singles dating in the age of wireless communication "are free agents in a competitive arena marked by ambiguous relationships. Social life comes to resemble economics, with people enmeshed in blizzards of supply and demand signals amidst a universe of potential partners. The opportunity to contact many people at once seems to encourage compartmentalization, as people try to establish different kinds of romantic attachments with different people at the same time." A provocative analysis of contemporary dating.

"Sailing Solo: Singles Face Challenges Keeping Finances Afloat"
By Emma D. Sapong
The Buffalo News
Summary: In our two-income economy, it's hard to make it as a single earner. Throw in the extra taxes that singles pay so couples with kids can get deductions, and a single adult may wonder where all his or her savings went. This article presents a wise financial planning strategy for singles that includes acquiring disability and long-term care insurance, Roth IRAs, and hopefully homes.

"Single Women Twice as Likely to Buy Property Than Men--The New Big M--Mortgage!"
By Caitlin Kelly
True/Slant
Summary: A divorcee who "played ostrich and let the husband handle every single bit" of homebuying must now learn the ropes as she applies for a second mortgage. She concludes with some stats from the National Association of Realtors that show single women outpacing single men in the real estate market.


11/3/09

"Debt More Likely to Gobble-up Career-oriented Women More Than Men"
PR Web
Summary: First off, no, Singletude is not responsible for the grammatical slaughter of that headline. That's a direct quote, God help whoever wrote it. Second, the translation: According to a debt counseling firm that studied 60,000 individuals, single women ages 25-34 are more likely to seek help with credit card debt than are single men in the same age group. The firm proposes that this might be because professional women are expected to spend more on wardrobe and personal maintenance at a time when they can least afford it. It's also possible that young single women are simply more likely than young single men to admit they need financial help, but the press release did not identify this factor.

"Men & Women Equally Likely to Include Charity in Estate Plans"
The Center on Philanthropy at Indiana University
Summary: A study out of Indiana University finds that single men and single women are about equally likely to donate legacy gifts to charity. There were also no significant gender differences in the amounts donated. But here's my favorite sentence: "Both men and women who had never married were more likely than married or widowed donors to have charitable bequests." Gee, where would the nonprofits be without all these "selfish" singles?

"Some Seniors Just Want to Have Fun"
By Ted Amsen
The Observer
Summary: A 70-year-old single woman in Ontario, Canada has resolved that young people shouldn't have all the fun. She's started a singles group for seniors, which she emphasizes is not a matchmaking or dating group but a means for those who are feeling lonely to connect with others who enjoy the same activities.


11/4/09

"Experts Say Single People More Likely to Develop Alzheimer's"
By Kyle Burke
ABC15.com
Summary: This brief report has just one reference to singles, but what a doozy it is! This is it: "A recent study found that single people are twice as likely to develop dementia and Alzheimer's disease as married or cohabitating people." Unfortunately, the journalist doesn't give us any information about the title of this study, who conducted it, or where it was published, so we have no way of fact-checking his allegation. Despite that Burke's source is not cited and that this is overwhelmingly an article about dementia screening, not the effect of marital status on cognitive deterioration, the headline proclaims loud and clear everything ABC News thinks we really need to know--how much it sucks to be single. A very close contender for the Singleschmucker.

Singleschmucker Award
"Married With Children Paves Way to Happiness"
By Randy Dotinga
HealthDay
Summary: A hefty amount of happiness research is stacked against parents, but a new study claims that the more children you have, the happier you'll be...at least if you're married. That's right, a new study by Dr. Luis Angeles of Scotland's University of Glasgow concludes that married couples get happier and happier every time they produce another bundle of joy, but unmarried couples and singles miss the bliss and, in fact, "report negative experiences." To his credit, Angeles does not try to persuade us that marriage itself causes parents to be happier. Rather he says that perhaps "'children make people better off under the "right conditions"--a time in life when people feel that they are ready, or at least willing, to enter parenthood'" and that adults who are entering that stage of life may be more likely to marry. That's a totally plausible and fair-minded explanation, but look at how the media, which has covered this story extensively, insists on misrepresenting the study as evidence that getting married makes people happier. I don't have a problem with the study itself, but the coverage of it wins a Singleschmucker!

"'Single Greatest Night' Set for Nov. 20"
The Leader
Summary: Now here's something different! The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation of Jacksonville, FL is planning an evening that "honors exceptional single men and women who have exemplified leadership qualities, are active in volunteer roles and have excelled in the Jacksonville business community." This is a first! I don't think I've ever come across an awards event specifically in recognition of singles (unless you count the crowning of Miss Cougar America, which I don't). Way to go, Jacksonville!

"Singles in the Capital Have Plenty of Chances to Meet"
By Amanda Nalley
The Tallahassee Democrat
Summary: A look at the singles scene in Florida's capital city turns up quite a vibrant mix of matchmakers, Meet-ups, and belief-based singles groups. Apparently, Florida is morphing into the place to be for singles! Who woulda thunk?


11/5/09

Singles With Singletude Award
"All the Single Ladies"
By Ursula Lindsey
The National
Summary: From the article: "Young Egyptian women...are taking to blogs and publishing books to give voice to their frustration with the indignities of single life, the pressure to marry and the stigma of divorce." Like the rest of the world, as Egypt has industrialized, single adults have been delaying marriage in ever increasing numbers. Representing those who aren't happy with this turn of events is a single blogger-cum-novelist, Ghada Abdel Aal, whose private pain is doubled by Egyptian etiquette, which proscribes public discussion of personal matters. But that doesn't stop people from judging silently, and Abdel Aal protests the judgments made against single women, who are assumed to have some fatal flaw. The journalist chronicles Abdel Aal's mark on Egyptian culture as well as the other blogs by single (and unhappily married) women that have sprung up in response. Also covered are legal and social barriers to divorce. Although Lindsey doesn't inflate the degree to which these single women are actively breaking down cultural institutions, she is right in her assessment that open communication is the first step toward change, and that makes her article this week's winner of the Singles With Singletude Award.

"Craig Greene: More Single Women Buying Homes"
By Craig Greene
Noozhawk
Summary: This short article about the surge in single female homebuyers proposes reasons for the increase, describes characteristics of single female homeowners, and reports on properties most likely to attract this market.


11/6/09

"Dating Website Misled Singles: ACCC"
By Andrea Hayward
WAtoday
Summary: Australia's RedHotPie becomes the latest online dating web site to get slapped with a lawsuit for fraud and misrepresentation. Similar lawsuits in the States have previously been dismissed.

"Meet the Man Behind AshleyMadison.com"
By Zosia Bielski
The Globe and Mail
Summary: The founder of the online dating site who bet the farm that he could prosper off of cheaters by making cheaters prosper has a new book out, appropriately titled Cheaters Prosper: How Infidelity Will Save the Modern Marriage. In this interview, Noel Biderman attacks monogamous marriage as an unrealistic historical aberration yet defends his web site as a godsend for sexless but otherwise good marriages. (In case you're wondering, yes, he's married, and, no, he vows he's never cheated. Nevertheless, he says he'd be "devastated" if his wife was unfaithful to him.) Whether you view him as a hypocritical rationalizer or a man ahead of his time, you can't deny that this controversial figure has something intriguing to say about the evolving role of marriage in our society.


11/7/09

"Interview with Shari Aresta, Organizer of Over 40, I Don't Want to Grow Up"
By Paul Roberts
Sacramento Press
Summary: Singletude is all for enterprising individuals who start singles social groups and clubs, but why, oh why did this one have to call hers Over 40, I Don't Want to Grow Up? Is she trying to reinforce the myth that single equals immature? Sheesh! Aside from that misstep, however, her singles Meetup group, which is more about finding friends and companions than dates, sounds like the antidote to those stereotypes of lonely singles. From the interview: "'It’s like an extended family. You can never have too many friends. And also if someone needs help, we are here for them, we keep everyone’s profession public to the group so we can use each other for assistance on specialized projects and this keeps up from hiring a stranger.'"



Do you have thoughts on any of the stories above? (When commenting, please reference the title of the article.)


Want to stay current on changes in the world that impact singles? Read the latest news about singles every day! Check out the Singletude newsreader under Singles in the News on the homepage!


Do you have a question for Clever Elsie about some aspect of the single life? Have an unpublished rant or rave about singlehood? Write in, and you just might see your question in a "Singletude Q&A" or your rant or rave in a "Singletude Sound-off"! Singletude makes every effort to republish submissions in their original form but reserves the right to edit your submission for length and clarity.

The Center for American Progress Takes Up the Cause for Singles

So, dear readers, did you lose sleep last night pondering the mystery links that failed to appear yesterday while my Internet service was behaving badly? No? Surely you jest!

Did you at least work up a mild curiosity then? I guess that will have to do! ;)

As you may know, Singletude has a policy of not linking to articles from biased sources for "Singles in the News." Obviously, many journalists write with an unstated bias, but, for Singletude's purposes, "biased sources" are defined as media outlets that have overt, acknowledged agendas. The goal of "Singles in the News" is to reflect how singles are portrayed in mainstream culture and to provide news that isn't colored from the outset by the need to advance a specific organization's worldview. A lot of biased sources are right-wing conservative groups, and they are responsible for some of the most atrocious representations of singles that you've had the pleasure not to see on Singletude. On the other hand, sometimes a liberal organization publishes fantastic coverage of singles issues, but I still can't link to it because it has an explicit agenda, and I don't discriminate.

Luckily, just because it would be hypocritical to publish those stories in "Singles in the News" doesn't mean they can't appear elsewhere on the blog. That's why I want to introduce you today to a a site that's turning out some top-notch reporting on singles even though its left-wing agenda excludes it from mention in the weekly news column. The site belongs to the Center for American Progress (CAP), an influential liberal think tank in Washington, DC. Recently, it has joined the vanguard of progressive, politically powerful institutions that are publicizing singles issues. The web site--and policy analyst Liz Weiss in particular--woke up and smelled the single cups of coffee steaming in 50.8% of American households and apparently decided to wake up everyone else, too. For the past couple of months, they've been running articles about the socioeconomic concerns of singles in general and single women in particular. Take a look at these:


"Protecting Unmarried Women from Unscrupulous Lenders"
"Unmarried and Uninsured"
"Unmarried Women Hit Hard by Poverty"


These articles are wonderfully inclusive, accounting for the tremendous variation in lifestyle among those who fall under the umbrella category of "unmarried." Their statistics are pulled from reputable sources and, more importantly, are cited so readers can look them up. Best of all, the CAP understands that the problems singles face are the product of social and political injustice that must be redressed by policy change, not by more marriages. Nowhere will you find even the hint of a suggestion that singles are the problem because they're not married or that they should make a run to the store and pick up spouses so that all the ills of the world will be solved. Instead, CAP examines aspects of current legislation that might help or further hinder the unmarried to increase awareness of what we're up against and what we should speak out for.

Since Weiss specializes in research on unmarried women, there should be more to come on this subject from CAP. Since it is a left-leaning organization, its call for an end to marital status discrimination is less shocking and perhaps less significant than it would be if it emerged from a moderate or bipartisan source. Nevertheless, up until very recently, singles haven't even been a blip on the radar of civil rights activists. They were invisible to Repubs and Dems alike. So the fact that a public policy research institute with a voice in Washington is speaking up for the unmarried is a big stride toward mainstream recognition.

I'll be returning to CAP's site periodically for both news and trustworthy data about singles. You may find it valuable as well.


Do you have thoughts on any of the stories above? (When commenting, please reference the title of the article.) Do you know of any other prominent political organizations, partisan or nonpartisan, that are promoting awareness of singles? Do you think singles issues are starting to be addressed in politics, or do you think singles are still largely invisible?


Fun Link of the Day


Do you have a question for Clever Elsie about some aspect of the single life? Have an unpublished rant or rave about singlehood? Write in, and you just might see your question in a "Singletude Q&A" or your rant or rave in a "Singletude Sound-off"! Singletude makes every effort to republish submissions in their original form but reserves the right to edit your submission for length and clarity.

Single Edition's "Live the Life You Love": A Singletude Review

Yesterday I attended the last evening of Single Edition's "Live the Life You Love" discussion panel series for single women at Saks Fifth Avenue. Single Edition founder Sherri Langburt, interviewed by Singletude last January, says that she hopes to sponsor further events, so here's a recap of what you can expect for next time:

The night kicked off with refreshments, and most guests took advantage of the time to circulate and mingle. It was a friendly, upbeat crowd and a great opportunity to meet and greet other women with similar interests. One or two single men even stopped by in hopes of making a love connection! Gradually, everyone migrated toward the main event space to claim a pen and notepad and a chair, most of which were filled by the time the presentation started.

The four panel experts of the night were Beth Schoenfeldt, founder of Collective-E, a web site and social networking organization for entrepreneurs; human resources consultant and career coach Alyson D'Anna; Karine Bakhoum, president of KB Network News, a food and hospitality industry PR and consulting firm; and Brad Berkowitz, author of The 21st Century Guide to Bachelorhood: Lessons Learned Over the Past 20 Years. My primary interest was in the career and business domain, so I was particularly curious to hear what Schoenfeldt and D'Anna had to say.

Schoenfeldt was the first to speak and related her experience building a business as a single woman, contrasting it with a later venture that she undertook as a married mother. One of the main points of her presentation was that singleness can be a huge advantage to small business owners, who can devote their undivided time, attention, and financial resources to what may become an all-consuming professional project. Shattering the myth that married entrepreneurs always have partners to fall back on, she reminded singles that not all spouses are supportive and that the additional risk of investing in a business alone can boost motivation in a way that a partner's comfortable salary can not. Schoenfeldt also promoted networking, especially with proven start-ups who might serve as mentors.

Next up was Bakhoum, who talked about cooking for one, emphasizing the importance of pampering yourself with simple yet special meals. Bakhoum recalled that when she was single, she found herself going all out for guests but reaching for the takeout menu for her own dinner. Eventually, she realized that she was entitled to healthy, delicious food and didn't need to wait for other people to give herself permission to enjoy it. Bakhoum shared some of her favorite cooking tips, advocating for the transformative power of seasonings and sauces and the judicious use of leftovers.

Getting back to business, career coach D'Anna focused on how singles can market themselves, advising workers to integrate self-promotion into their daily lives rather than scramble at the last minute when a raise is on the table or a job is in danger. Her strategy was not for the timid--she recommended chatting up senior execs at company events and the person next to you at private parties. Like Schoenfeldt, she presented singleness as a career advantage, suggesting that solo employees can more easily work a room or go back to school without the distraction of spouse and kids. Finally, D'Anna addressed the sensitive issues of dating and singlism in the workplace. Regarding office romance, she advised strict adherence to company policy, disclosure to immediate supervisors when a relationship is serious, and a professional demeanor should the love match sour. As for combating singlism, D'Anna encouraged singles with outside interests not to stew in silence but to speak up for themselves and their right to enjoy life untethered to a desk.

The last speaker was Berkowitz, who began by asking the audience for a show of hands if they were doing absolutely everything they could to meet men. Of course, not all of us are interested in dating, so he lost me at hello, but chances are many of the other single ladies were on his wavelength as he talked about utilizing every avenue to meet potential partners (hint: go where the men are, such as gyms and sports bars), decoding male interest signals, and holding out for love (or at least serious interest) before giving sex. This advice was nothing new, but maybe that's because Berkowitz didn't make a name for himself advising single women; his book is for single men. In fact, as far as I know, it's the only dating guide for single men. I haven't read it yet, but maybe some of you single guys out there will pick up a copy and give us your feedback.

Each presentation was followed by a Q&A, and although the audience was shy at first, the questions were flying fast and furious by the end of the night. The discussion wrapped up after about an hour and a half, at which time everyone was given a 15% discount card and turned loose on Saks for an after-hours shopping spree. Cosmetics consultants were also on hand with free samples, and a lot of women stuck around just to chat. I wouldn't have minded if the guest speakers had been allotted more time to expand on their topics with more concrete, step-by-step examples, but of course the audience was antsy for the rare opportunity to have Saks all to themselves.

As a parting gift, attendees literally got everything and a bag of chips! Each gift bag included a GO SMiLE tooth whitening kit, samples of Estee Lauder Re-Nutriv Ultimate Youth Eye Creme and derma e Scar Gel, a bottle of Glaceau smartwater, a bag of popchips--for real!--and discount certificates for The Vitamin Shoppe and a local personal trainer.

But really the best aspect of the night--for me, at least--was that a bunch of single women with similar goals were gathered under the same roof. One of the lessons of the evening was that we need to keep in mind the importance of connections, and this was a perfect venue to get to know some like-minded people. I'm looking forward to another discussion series and would encourage you not to miss the next time around if you want to network with other singles, learn some tips and tricks for single living, and get some cool freebies.

Tomorrow, you may want to stop by Singletude again because in lieu of the usual big, meaty midweek post, we have two lighter "snacks," this one today and one tomorrow. Tomorrow's post will introduce you to some links that couldn't be included in "Singles in the News" last week but are nevertheless worthy of a special mention. Curious? See ya tomorrow!


If you were able to attend any of the "Live the Life You Love" events, what did you think of your experience? Do you know of any other singles-oriented discussion series that you would recommend? Do singles events like this appeal to you and, if not, what kinds of events for singles would you like to see (other than dating or matchmaking events)?


Fun Link of the Day




Do you have a question for Clever Elsie about some aspect of the single life? Have an unpublished rant or rave about singlehood? Write in, and you just might see your question in a "Singletude Q&A" or your rant or rave in a "Singletude Sound-off"! Singletude makes every effort to republish submissions in their original form but reserves the right to edit your submission for length and clarity.